Hi Taylor! I just read the first story of your storybook and i'm loving it! I can't wait to see it all develop. I love when people in this class change up original stories and make them more modern. The language and way you set the scene in the beginning is very real and relatable. The pb&j and peter pan reference are just little things, but make it easy and fun for readers.
As I kept reading I soon found myself wishing I got submerged into the fairy land, what a site to see. You had me imagine a huge life size human being surrounded by all these little fairies buzzing around! Great job so far, I haven't read anymore stories but your into did a great job leaving me wanting more!
I really enjoyed your intro. I like that from the very beginning you did a very good job a drawing me into the story. It made me want to keep reading and got me excited for your stories within the storybook. I read the story “The First Hopeful Fairy”. I really like the method you went with in writing the story. I like that it is a fairy telling the story, and that you ended with the second fair saying “May I start?” This kept me wanting to read the next story, and so I did! The story began sad with the baby being blind, but I am glad that it had a happy ending. I think of fairies as creatures of magic and happiness. So your story matched with that great. Great work so far and I look forward to going back and reading your whole storybook when you’re done.
Hey Taylor, your home page is nice. I think the only thing I would change is the font underneath the picture, it was a little distracting from the picture. Your Introduction is fine. I think you have done a good job of setting up the concept of your storybook. Then only critique I have for you is that it might be better to add a little spacing to the body of the introduction. A simple extra space between the paragraphs would work. Other than that it looks like you are on your way.
Wow, I love the premise for your storytelling! It is so interesting that this girl from modern times has been invited to learn the stories of the fairies. This was a really creative way to tie your stories together. I love the descriptions you gave for the fall morning that Kaylie experienced and the conversational way she is telling us her own story. One thing that stuck out to me as just a little confusing was: “After passing under the tall oak trees as they changed colors.” The phrasing of this makes it seem like the trees were changing colors as Kaylie stood under them. Over all, this was a great introduction! I also read the first story and enjoyed it as well. One thing that I noticed is that the story starts out in first-person but then turns to third-person when you used Kaylie’s name in the second paragraph. I like the dialogue in this story though and maybe you could add even more, such as between the teacup sized fairy and Kaylie. Great job!
What a good idea! When reading the introduction, I was wondering how you would incorporate storytelling. At the very end, though, you set the stage. It's a very unique theme. I used to love stories about fairies when I was a kid! I should still read them now.
This week, I read "Kaylie's Story" and "The First Hopeful Fairy". The part when the last storytelling fairy whispered to Kaylie confused me a little. I didn't really get that she was trying to hurt Angie's chances of winning the contest until you expanded on it in the author's note. Maybe you could add some exact dialogue here to make that a more obvious event in the plot?
The layout of these sites Is always important to me, and I think you did a great job! The colors are very energetic and what I think of when I think of fairies. I also thought the placement of the baby photo in the first story was appropriate. It broke up the story a bit to provide a visual.
I am glad I got to read another one of your stories. This time I read The Second Fairy. Again, I like how you interrupt the main story with dialogue from Kaylie to remind readers of the frame story and what is tying everything together. To offer some constructive criticism, I would suggest thinking about breaking up the first paragraph of Nissa’s story into two or more paragraphs and perhaps consider the same for her second paragraph of her story. The ending of this story makes me wonder if readers will find out more about Nissa and the role she possibly plays in causing people to fall in love. I like that you’re exploring the different uses of pixie dust throughout your stories as well. It is definitely interesting to see what fairies can do. I really love the picture that you chose for this story. Overall, great job again!
I love stories about fairies so I am very glad I got to read your story this week! I love the original twist you put to it about the circle they create, very unique! It was hard for me to understand the first sentence of the first paragraph. Maybe you could extend the sentence into different sentences to make it flow better for the readers. Also when you say “. . . the mother was barely pregnant,” what does that mean? How can one barely be pregnant? Maybe you could be more specific like the fairy knew the woman was trying to get pregnant. Also, the sentence “although his parents could never see me of course. . .” is a run on sentence. You could separate it by putting a period between the words someone and who. You can alter the second sentence to have it make sense as well. In the second paragraph, you need a comma after the word muttering and before the conversation. Other than that, the story looks perfect grammatically and the sentence structure was great!
Hi! First off, I think your blog is really fun and I like that you incorporated some bright colors. Your blog was very easy to navigate around and it was easy to search. I read your first story and thought to myself how I wish there was a little bit more spacing in between your paragraphs to separate ideas more, especially when there is dialogue between characters but then I read your second story and noticed that you did separate out some of the dialogue so good job! I still think that the story might flow better if there were even more paragraphs and that way it doesn’t look as overwhelming for the reader either. I also really like in your author’s note how the original story reminded you of Cinderella and that you wanted to put your own twist on it. Overall, I really like the concept of your portfolio and look forward to reading more!
I read Kaylie's Story and the First Hopeful Fairy. I have to say that I really like the direction you took with your story. I think that Kaylie's Story was a good introduction and it really helped to set the scene for the other stories. I do think that it might help if you broke the paragraphs up a little. Long paragraphs can get hard to read. Overall, I really liked the introduction. On the first story, I have actually read the Fairy Ointment story and I liked how you changed it up to go with the kindness of Angie. One thing that did confuse me was when the other fairy whispered to Kaylie. I'm not sure what she was meaning by saying that Angie might have had alternative motives to staying. I know she was trying to help herself but I still am not clear on what the alternative motives could have been. Other than that, I think that your story is really good and I look forward to reading the rest of the stories.
This week I read The Second Fairy. I have read your storybook's introduction and first story in previous weeks. I love the idea of your storybook! It makes it so easy to add happy stories to it that flow very well together. Towards the end of the second paragraph, there is a duplicate "as I could to". This was the only grammatical mistake I found. I also enjoyed at the very end when Nissa was questioned about being the one responsible for people falling in love. I'm assuming from the response she gave that we will be finding out in later stories. Either that or she is responsible but has a reason not to broadcast her talent. Your author's note was also very helpful. The story reminded me of Cinderella too! There are so many renditions of that story for a reason! It's just that good. Overall, the flow of your storybook is great and very entertaining. Great job!
Hi Taylor! I really like the theme for your website; it seems very open and inviting. I also really enjoyed how you chose to write for these. It is very easy to read since it flows like a regular conversation. I think that is a great way to write to make sure that you keep the attentions of the readers. I think you did a great job on developing Kaylie’s character with some great descriptive usage; she seems like she can be a really relatable character to readers. One of my favorite segments from your introduction was when Kaylie first met Alston and how she reacted; specifically how you even added in how she stuttered before finally being able to tell him that she was from Seattle. I also liked her humorous commentary on being offered fruit juice in the woods. I really enjoyed reading your story and I can’t wait to see how it all turns out in the end!
Hi Taylor! I really enjoyed reading the second story told by the second fairy. I really like that in this story that the fairies are real, but humans just cannot see them. I like that you clearly show this in this story where the fairy looks after the young girl that she saw born in the hospital. I also love how you make the fairies so animated. I can picture them flying around and telling their stories. The part where the fairy mentions that human are weird was pretty funny. Especially when she blushed for being so blunt. That was cute. I also like the way you sort of hinted that the fairy could be cupid-;like, with the way she brought the girl and boy together. I thought that was the best part of the story. You're doing a good job with making your stories flow together with each fairy telling their own story. I am a fan of several stories being told all in one. It's pretty cool. I think you are doing a great job, and I am looking forward to reading more.
Taylor, the first thing I noticed when I opened your page was the bright blue background. I really like the blue you choose as your background but the hot pink sight title is hard to read against the bright blue. It actually hurts my eyes a bit when I try to focus in on it. I like your site other than that. It does not really lend itself to the theme of your story though. It is girly so perhaps you were trying to go for that. The pictures you choose for your separate stories were fitting but I wish I would have seen at least one fairy. Another thing that caught my eye was your stories fonts were inconsistent (perhaps this was also on purpose). I did not catch any spelling or grammar errors in any stories except for the last but if you read through it one more time out loud I think you will be able to fix it. Great job!
Hi Taylor! I love the layout of your website, it is bright and fun like your storybook seems to be. I like that you kept the font for your stories very basic. The color is dark enough to make it easy to read, but still a fun color, and the font is perfect and so easy to read. I thought that your introduction was a great way to set up the start of the stories in your storybook. I love that your writing has a very bright and fun style. I read the first story and thought that it was so sweet. I like that you started off with a fairy who was very compassionate, because it really eases you into the magical world of fairies. I do wish you had included some pictures of fairies though. Great job!
Hi Taylor. I chose your portfolio as one of my extra credit assignments. I'm so glad I chose it! I love the idea of the fairy theme and how you were going to try to convince me that they are indeed real. I liked all of your stories and they kept me interested and wanting to read more. I did like your choice of pictures and they did seem to present the concept of fairies, but like other people have said before me...I would have liked to see at least a couple pictures of fairies. I like the background color choice (nice, cool blue color) and I also liked the title of your portfolio. One thing I did notice is that the font style changed on your last story. I'm not sure if you meant to change it or not, but I think a consistent font style throughout the whole portfolio would have made it flow better from the second to the third story. Also on your second story, at the top it had the words "Final Fairy" on it even though I was reading the second fairies story. Also, I wanted to point out that you did a great job on the dialogue between the characters in your story. I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors, so good job on that part! Sometimes that can be a hard thing for me especially if I'm tired. Overall, a very good job at keeping me entertained and with how you write the stories.
Hi, Taylor! I'm from the Indian Epics class, and I read your storybook for extra credit. It's really cool! You have an interesting title, and I was curious enough about it to read more, so that's good. I really liked how your introduction started with an ordinary and relatable narrator, and then she was sucked in to a fairy world that caters well to the stories you tell. That's a very engaging approach because it makes the reader (at least, for me) kind of wonder about what it would be like if they suddenly found themselves in fairy festival of sorts, like your narrator. I also thought it was cool how you wrote each of your stories told by a different fairy. It's challenging to write from so many different narrators, but you did a great job with it. The stories were told very well, and they all flow together nicely since you tied them so neatly with a good frame. Great work, Taylor!
Hi Taylor! I just read the first story of your storybook and i'm loving it! I can't wait to see it all develop. I love when people in this class change up original stories and make them more modern. The language and way you set the scene in the beginning is very real and relatable. The pb&j and peter pan reference are just little things, but make it easy and fun for readers.
ReplyDeleteAs I kept reading I soon found myself wishing I got submerged into the fairy land, what a site to see. You had me imagine a huge life size human being surrounded by all these little fairies buzzing around! Great job so far, I haven't read anymore stories but your into did a great job leaving me wanting more!
-Annie
https://sites.google.com/site/fairyringsandcrazystorytelling/introduction
I really enjoyed your intro. I like that from the very beginning you did a very good job a drawing me into the story. It made me want to keep reading and got me excited for your stories within the storybook. I read the story “The First Hopeful Fairy”. I really like the method you went with in writing the story. I like that it is a fairy telling the story, and that you ended with the second fair saying “May I start?” This kept me wanting to read the next story, and so I did! The story began sad with the baby being blind, but I am glad that it had a happy ending. I think of fairies as creatures of magic and happiness. So your story matched with that great. Great work so far and I look forward to going back and reading your whole storybook when you’re done.
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor, your home page is nice. I think the only thing I would change is the font underneath the picture, it was a little distracting from the picture.
ReplyDeleteYour Introduction is fine. I think you have done a good job of setting up the concept of your storybook. Then only critique I have for you is that it might be better to add a little spacing to the body of the introduction. A simple extra space between the paragraphs would work. Other than that it looks like you are on your way.
Wow, I love the premise for your storytelling! It is so interesting that this girl from modern times has been invited to learn the stories of the fairies. This was a really creative way to tie your stories together. I love the descriptions you gave for the fall morning that Kaylie experienced and the conversational way she is telling us her own story. One thing that stuck out to me as just a little confusing was: “After passing under the tall oak trees as they changed colors.” The phrasing of this makes it seem like the trees were changing colors as Kaylie stood under them. Over all, this was a great introduction!
ReplyDeleteI also read the first story and enjoyed it as well. One thing that I noticed is that the story starts out in first-person but then turns to third-person when you used Kaylie’s name in the second paragraph. I like the dialogue in this story though and maybe you could add even more, such as between the teacup sized fairy and Kaylie. Great job!
What a good idea! When reading the introduction, I was wondering how you would incorporate storytelling. At the very end, though, you set the stage. It's a very unique theme. I used to love stories about fairies when I was a kid! I should still read them now.
ReplyDeleteThis week, I read "Kaylie's Story" and "The First Hopeful Fairy". The part when the last storytelling fairy whispered to Kaylie confused me a little. I didn't really get that she was trying to hurt Angie's chances of winning the contest until you expanded on it in the author's note. Maybe you could add some exact dialogue here to make that a more obvious event in the plot?
The layout of these sites Is always important to me, and I think you did a great job! The colors are very energetic and what I think of when I think of fairies. I also thought the placement of the baby photo in the first story was appropriate. It broke up the story a bit to provide a visual.
I am glad I got to read another one of your stories. This time I read The Second Fairy. Again, I like how you interrupt the main story with dialogue from Kaylie to remind readers of the frame story and what is tying everything together. To offer some constructive criticism, I would suggest thinking about breaking up the first paragraph of Nissa’s story into two or more paragraphs and perhaps consider the same for her second paragraph of her story. The ending of this story makes me wonder if readers will find out more about Nissa and the role she possibly plays in causing people to fall in love. I like that you’re exploring the different uses of pixie dust throughout your stories as well. It is definitely interesting to see what fairies can do. I really love the picture that you chose for this story. Overall, great job again!
ReplyDeleteI love stories about fairies so I am very glad I got to read your story this week! I love the original twist you put to it about the circle they create, very unique! It was hard for me to understand the first sentence of the first paragraph. Maybe you could extend the sentence into different sentences to make it flow better for the readers. Also when you say “. . . the mother was barely pregnant,” what does that mean? How can one barely be pregnant? Maybe you could be more specific like the fairy knew the woman was trying to get pregnant. Also, the sentence “although his parents could never see me of course. . .” is a run on sentence. You could separate it by putting a period between the words someone and who. You can alter the second sentence to have it make sense as well. In the second paragraph, you need a comma after the word muttering and before the conversation. Other than that, the story looks perfect grammatically and the sentence structure was great!
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I think your blog is really fun and I like that you incorporated some bright colors. Your blog was very easy to navigate around and it was easy to search. I read your first story and thought to myself how I wish there was a little bit more spacing in between your paragraphs to separate ideas more, especially when there is dialogue between characters but then I read your second story and noticed that you did separate out some of the dialogue so good job! I still think that the story might flow better if there were even more paragraphs and that way it doesn’t look as overwhelming for the reader either. I also really like in your author’s note how the original story reminded you of Cinderella and that you wanted to put your own twist on it. Overall, I really like the concept of your portfolio and look forward to reading more!
I read Kaylie's Story and the First Hopeful Fairy. I have to say that I really like the direction you took with your story. I think that Kaylie's Story was a good introduction and it really helped to set the scene for the other stories. I do think that it might help if you broke the paragraphs up a little. Long paragraphs can get hard to read. Overall, I really liked the introduction. On the first story, I have actually read the Fairy Ointment story and I liked how you changed it up to go with the kindness of Angie. One thing that did confuse me was when the other fairy whispered to Kaylie. I'm not sure what she was meaning by saying that Angie might have had alternative motives to staying. I know she was trying to help herself but I still am not clear on what the alternative motives could have been. Other than that, I think that your story is really good and I look forward to reading the rest of the stories.
ReplyDeleteThis week I read The Second Fairy. I have read your storybook's introduction and first story in previous weeks. I love the idea of your storybook! It makes it so easy to add happy stories to it that flow very well together. Towards the end of the second paragraph, there is a duplicate "as I could to". This was the only grammatical mistake I found. I also enjoyed at the very end when Nissa was questioned about being the one responsible for people falling in love. I'm assuming from the response she gave that we will be finding out in later stories. Either that or she is responsible but has a reason not to broadcast her talent. Your author's note was also very helpful. The story reminded me of Cinderella too! There are so many renditions of that story for a reason! It's just that good. Overall, the flow of your storybook is great and very entertaining. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I really like the theme for your website; it seems very open and inviting. I also really enjoyed how you chose to write for these. It is very easy to read since it flows like a regular conversation. I think that is a great way to write to make sure that you keep the attentions of the readers. I think you did a great job on developing Kaylie’s character with some great descriptive usage; she seems like she can be a really relatable character to readers. One of my favorite segments from your introduction was when Kaylie first met Alston and how she reacted; specifically how you even added in how she stuttered before finally being able to tell him that she was from Seattle. I also liked her humorous commentary on being offered fruit juice in the woods. I really enjoyed reading your story and I can’t wait to see how it all turns out in the end!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I really enjoyed reading the second story told by the second fairy. I really like that in this story that the fairies are real, but humans just cannot see them. I like that you clearly show this in this story where the fairy looks after the young girl that she saw born in the hospital. I also love how you make the fairies so animated. I can picture them flying around and telling their stories. The part where the fairy mentions that human are weird was pretty funny. Especially when she blushed for being so blunt. That was cute. I also like the way you sort of hinted that the fairy could be cupid-;like, with the way she brought the girl and boy together. I thought that was the best part of the story. You're doing a good job with making your stories flow together with each fairy telling their own story. I am a fan of several stories being told all in one. It's pretty cool. I think you are doing a great job, and I am looking forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteTaylor, the first thing I noticed when I opened your page was the bright blue background. I really like the blue you choose as your background but the hot pink sight title is hard to read against the bright blue. It actually hurts my eyes a bit when I try to focus in on it. I like your site other than that. It does not really lend itself to the theme of your story though. It is girly so perhaps you were trying to go for that. The pictures you choose for your separate stories were fitting but I wish I would have seen at least one fairy. Another thing that caught my eye was your stories fonts were inconsistent (perhaps this was also on purpose). I did not catch any spelling or grammar errors in any stories except for the last but if you read through it one more time out loud I think you will be able to fix it. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor! I love the layout of your website, it is bright and fun like your storybook seems to be. I like that you kept the font for your stories very basic. The color is dark enough to make it easy to read, but still a fun color, and the font is perfect and so easy to read. I thought that your introduction was a great way to set up the start of the stories in your storybook. I love that your writing has a very bright and fun style. I read the first story and thought that it was so sweet. I like that you started off with a fairy who was very compassionate, because it really eases you into the magical world of fairies. I do wish you had included some pictures of fairies though. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor. I chose your portfolio as one of my extra credit assignments. I'm so glad I chose it! I love the idea of the fairy theme and how you were going to try to convince me that they are indeed real. I liked all of your stories and they kept me interested and wanting to read more. I did like your choice of pictures and they did seem to present the concept of fairies, but like other people have said before me...I would have liked to see at least a couple pictures of fairies.
ReplyDeleteI like the background color choice (nice, cool blue color) and I also liked the title of your portfolio. One thing I did notice is that the font style changed on your last story. I'm not sure if you meant to change it or not, but I think a consistent font style throughout the whole portfolio would have made it flow better from the second to the third story. Also on your second story, at the top it had the words "Final Fairy" on it even though I was reading the second fairies story. Also, I wanted to point out that you did a great job on the dialogue between the characters in your story.
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors, so good job on that part! Sometimes that can be a hard thing for me especially if I'm tired. Overall, a very good job at keeping me entertained and with how you write the stories.
Hi, Taylor! I'm from the Indian Epics class, and I read your storybook for extra credit. It's really cool! You have an interesting title, and I was curious enough about it to read more, so that's good. I really liked how your introduction started with an ordinary and relatable narrator, and then she was sucked in to a fairy world that caters well to the stories you tell. That's a very engaging approach because it makes the reader (at least, for me) kind of wonder about what it would be like if they suddenly found themselves in fairy festival of sorts, like your narrator. I also thought it was cool how you wrote each of your stories told by a different fairy. It's challenging to write from so many different narrators, but you did a great job with it. The stories were told very well, and they all flow together nicely since you tied them so neatly with a good frame. Great work, Taylor!
ReplyDelete